Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
