I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
