feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
