Im at strip club and am horny
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
