He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize