If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
