i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
