Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
