I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You took a bar mat shot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
