i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize