You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
