Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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