I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
