i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
