Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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