Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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