Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
