do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Randomize
