Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
