Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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