drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
