You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
