Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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