umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
