I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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