nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
