What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
