oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
