toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
