Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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