looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
