so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
