How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The best revenge is premature balding
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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