so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
