I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Randomize
