is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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