I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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