I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize