White coat. Heels.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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