I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
