Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have post one night stand depression
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
