Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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