You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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