you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
