I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
