Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
