dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
