So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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