You really coming over, don't trick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
