If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
