worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize