I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
