Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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