david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
