I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
