how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
