can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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