I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
