why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we made out on top of his cat.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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