dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
