I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
