Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
