the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
