I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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