Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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