I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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