well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
