I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize