I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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