Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
