but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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