Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
