And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
