so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
