My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
