I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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