I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
