he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
