If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
