I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
