I wish my penis had an off switch
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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