We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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