Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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