I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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