my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
