we need to drink 2009 down the drain
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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