And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
