glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
