her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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