I must be too annoying 4 u.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
