I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
