What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize