I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ladies don't puke and tell
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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