K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Randomize
