Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
