he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
