I hope mine doesn't look like that
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
