sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
