Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
