do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
